I have been suspicious for a while, but I have finally come to terms with my husband's affair. The signs have always been there, but it has taken me years to accept the truth. I have questioned myself, I have second-guessed my gut, and I have resisted. But as I continually looked through the window shield of my life, I watched the crack slowly grow, mutate, expand and obscure my vision. Finally, it got to the point where I could not see through the window at all.
I can tell you what I know about her. She never asks questions; she does not fight with him, she does not call him out on his bad behavior, and she is always there for him. She is warm comfort like a buttery biscuit right out of the oven. When he is communicating with her, I can see all the signs. He laughs more easily, jokes casually, and appears happy. However, when he stops communicating with her, he's often cranky, short-tempered, sleepy, and uninterested in the world around him.
I have recently come to understand my part in this relationship. The affair was never a secret. She and my husband have been together since we met, the third in our relationship. I used to love her too.
Alcohol was our activity of choice; she made every night more fun and gave every story that extra something. She made us laugh harder, sing louder, and connect with anyone willing to join the party. But unfortunately, now she is tearing my marriage apart, and I don't know how to get rid of her.
It's time for me to face her and my marriage head-on. I don't know how this story will end. You have found me in the middle.